Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
