I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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