She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
