No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
