just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
There's always time for handjobs
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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