wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
