i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
