The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
