He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
