why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize