battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
