This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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