Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
