All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I met the friendliest cop last night
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
