I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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