you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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