Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
