Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
