He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
