Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
