If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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