I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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