my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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