Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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