So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
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