Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize