Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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