he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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