It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
