no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
