Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
