I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
