weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
