I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
