i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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