It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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