Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
