Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
