how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize