i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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