And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
