im having a threesome with these popsicles
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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