I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
