Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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