we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
