Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
