he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
