My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
being pregnant is like rehab
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
