piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize