I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
