Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
