So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize