my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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