My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
