Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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