I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
