babies were throwing up all over the place
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
