Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
