I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You need a sexual gate keeper
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
