Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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