I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize