Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
