you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
