Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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