apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I have so many feelings about this burrito
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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