I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
