Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We just shotgunned beers for America
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
