now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
