he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
