Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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