what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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