I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
