i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
