You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
