a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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