I think I am morally bankrupt
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
