That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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